Wednesday, March 5, 2008

What's a Mensch to do...

When the chicken coop door can’t be ...opened because it rained and then the water froze, simultaneously building a small ice berg in front of the door?
Well, a woman hauls out her meat tenderizer and takes a whack at it. Now this is not the ordinary meat tenderizer you find nowadays in the store. This one is made of solid metal, not wood. I’ve probably had it as long as I’ve lived in the US, just about 46 years. And it’s still working. It was not a pretty picture as I whacked away at that ice and then pried it loose with grass trimming shears. OK you may laugh now. What can I say? When my partner left about three years ago, all the tools left too, and I just had never replaced them. I suppose it’s time to get a hammer and a crowbar, just in case it happens again or I want to hammer a nail into the wall. Luckily no one was around to take a picture of me when I was doing it, so you’ll have to be content with a pic of the meat tenderizer. May it continue to have a long life.

And while I am talking about chickens, this was included in my latest Church newsletter. Enough stupid chicken jokes to last a lifetime.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding' NEW' problems.
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY (or any other politician):
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the bird gave me any insider information.
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
To die in the rain. Alone.
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never %^#$$^)(!@)........ reboot.
I invented the chicken!
Where's my gun?
Did I miss one?

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